AS SEEN ON 7 DAYS

Australia's MOST WANTED comedian is back after three years off....and he's not here to fuck sp*ders!

That's right. Not even if they're dressed in a sexy spider nurse outfit. He just hasn't got the time. And neither do you.

Because Life happens whether you like or not. You can tiptoe around it, have a whinge or pretend it's not there, but like a man wearing bacon pants at a dog park, you're gonna get bitten on the arse eventually.
So either get up and get busy, or tell somebody else who gives a sh*t. Cos we're not here to....

Book now and join Chopper for the best night out in yonks.

R15+

“This is a top hour of uproariously entertaining comedy… packed with good gags and ‘so wrong its right’ moments”   **** Chortle UK

Give Me One Good Reason Why I Shouldn’t Throw My Phone Off This Bridge

It was after seeing a sponsored post for 'exercise shorts with a built-in jockstrap' that Chris Parker felt he had finally reached his limit with social media. If this is something the algorithm thinks Chris is interested in, then clearly, it needs to track his data deeper. Things haven't been good for Chris and his phone for a while now, with them currently trialling sleeping in different rooms - so a break-up on the cards. He's done with social media, content and all the kids on TikTok who are obsessed with diagnosing him with ADHD. That Feeling When - you owe everything you have to social media, but you also want to throw your phone off the tallest bridge you can find.

The self-proclaimed People's Princess of Aotearoa, Chris Parker, is most commonly known for his funny Instagram and Tiktok videos, which built him a huge social media audience over the last few years, his legendary win on the hit New Zealand TV show Celebrity Treasure Island and most strangely a felted hat he made during the 2020 nationwide lockdown that was then acquired is on display at The Auckland Museum and Te Papa the National Museum of New Zealand.

"By the time the show ends, you will have sore sides from laughing." - NZ Herald

"Chris Parker is the real deal, a brilliant comedian who will leave you scream-laughing." ***** - Time Out

This performance will literally spin our whakapapa and our heritage on its axis. Written by Gregory Cooper, this 80-minute hair-raising, hilarious tongue-in-cheek race through our whole history as a city and a region will be the equivalent of being put in a spin dryer on maximum revolutions.

Doug Brooks, Donna Botha and Greg Cooper himself will be the wizards that wiz our audiences through this incredible journey of our city, Nelson, Whakatū's history.

Fasten your seat belts, bring support for your sides and rubber bands for your jaw bones as the laughter, the learning and the love of our city explodes out of the Energy Centre at Founders Heritage Park in December.

If you miss this, you miss breathing. This will be the answer to the doldrums of the fiscal downturn as tickets are priced so the whole family can enjoy this miraculous second outing from the Professional Theatre Company, Whakatū, Nelson.

Let me make this very clear… this is a must-see for everyone!

Prepare to cast off and embark on a magical voyage as Nelson Repertory Theatre proudly presents 'Go West' this Christmas Season. Set sail on a joyful journey that will take you from Scotland to the farthest corners of Canada and New Zealand. Along the way you'll meet a delightful cast of characters, each more hilarious than the last.

Our heroine is Bella McSporran, the lovable Scottish Dame who's fallen on hard times. Bella's Highland home is in jeopardy, thanks to the nefarious actions of our villain Blaize McSpreader. But fear not, for a miracle is just around the corner and it's in the form of Zippy: an angel-in-training with dreams of earning his wings. Together, they're about to take you on a journey like no other!

'Go West' is a heartwarming and hilarious pantomime that promises to deliver an abundance of songs, silliness, and smiles. Don't miss out on this enchanting production that's perfect for the whole family!

R18

Who is the Māori elite? - I am! that’s right, me: Hori.

Join Māori elitist/artist Hori in this political satire piece as he tries to answer all the questions around Māori elitism or so called “treatyist”. Not inspired by this year’s anti co-governance tour, Hori has decided to do a tour of his own “The Māori Elite Tour”. This is a follow up chat to his M9 Speech earlier this year.

In his hour-long tongue-in-cheek presentation, Hori will speak to 5 art pieces he has created around the co-governance debate. The purpose is not to pour gasoline on the “Hate tour” but to create our own ahi or fire (& blaze that shit up), to offer more of a Māori comedic perspective to the kaupapa/subject.

Each Hori-rious night will begin at 6.30pm with drinks and kai , and at 7.30pm Hori will speak for an hour,  clothing and artworks will be available. So come and have a kai and kōrero at one of the 10 elite shows across the motu/country.

Pick your price option: $15, $20 or $25

Supported by: Downing

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Age 16+. Strong language, references to nudity. Haze.

Join the world’s only, unabashed, olive fuelled, award-winning comedy circus power trio on a wild ride as they bring people closer together, one olive at a time.

Rise of the Olive features World Record Bounce Juggling & Jenga Stunts (as seen on TVNZ’s recent season of 60 Seconds talent show), and a whole host of other high caliber left field skills and comedy. 3D glasses and morph suits will make a comeback, a heart stopping innovative Aerial Rope act.. and more... so much more in fact, you’ll be given a run sheet on arrival so you can keep up!

Having toured all over the world to critical acclaim, this show is a perfect balance of joyful, existential, hilarious and incredible. Expect high-level circus, bizarre ideas and a bloody good night out.

"Fall-down funny, absolutely top shelf." ★★★★★ Advertiser (AUS)

"Jaw-dropping physical prowess... and LOLs. A lot of them." - Theatreview, NZ

Age 16+. Strong language, references to nudity.

Supported by: BlueBerry IT

After sell-out seasons in Wellington and Auckland, Tom Sainsbury is bringing his stand up show to Nelson! It's 55 minutes of life observations, hilariously embarrassing personal tales, and a meet and greet afterwards.

General Admission - seats are not allocated.

New Zealand's sexiest and most successful comedy of all time is about to get its gear off again, in a nationwide tour this September and October!

This hilarious new production of Ladies Night promises to be this year's funniest night out as these real Kiwi blokes dare each other to put on a male strip show, after falling down on their luck and needing some extra cash. A spur of the moment idea rapidly becomes a reality as the venue is booked and the seats sold.

With the terrifying prospect of actually having to strip in front of the public only moments away, Craig, Barry, Norm, Wes and Gavin set about transforming themselves from beer belly to Six Pack.

Follow them on their journey as they get to grips with the finer points of seduction, stripping and the perfect wax job. Think Magic Mike with a double shot of Kiwi humour.

LADIES NIGHT will feature New Zealand’s hottest actor, Mike Edward (Shortland Street, Power Rangers, The Brokenwood Mysteries, Spartacus) as head stripper Barry and Mark Wright (Shortland Street, Power Rangers) as Bernie the sleazy nightclub owner.

Playing the role of Barry sees Mike come the full circle, his career launching in 1993 with an appearance in Ladies Night 2 – plucked from relative obscurity as a muscle-bound decathlete with an interest in the stage.

Mike, who has headed up the Dust Palace circus theatre for the past 15 years, says he can relate to Barry, feeling a little physically broken after years of stunt and aerial work, including stunts on James Cameron’s Avatar, yet still grafting his way in the world.

Written in 1987 by Anthony McCarten and Stephen Sinclair, Ladies Night was a global theatrical hit. The precursor to stage hits like Magic Mike starring hunky Channing Tatum, LADIES NIGHT has been translated into 16 languages and remains New Zealand’s most commercially successful play of all time.

After eight sell-out tours of Britain, it went on to win The Molière Prize, France’s premiere theatre award for comedy, in 2001.

R16

The outspoken Lizzy Bennet is determined to never marry, despite mounting pressure from society. But can she really resist love, especially when the impossibly aggravating Mr. Darcy keeps popping up at every turn? Literature’s greatest tale of latent love has never felt so theatrical, or so full of life than it does in this hilarious adaptation. Because what turns us into greater fools than the high-stakes game of love?

This delightful, hilarious, and audacious adaptation has something for everyone, whether you're a die-hard Austen fan or experiencing the story for the first time. With humor, heart, and a whole lot of romance, this effervescent adaptation is sure to leave you swooning!